Once upon a time at the kentucky derby, Kenny Chesney took a break from watching videos from E3 about the release of the xbox 360 and ps3 to watch his favorite reality tv show, Survivor. On this episode the survivors had to find out where Dave Chappelle went and when will the 3rd season of Chappelle's Show be on Comedy Central. Some of them thought he was with Danica Patrick or Renee Zellweger, but the surprise twist was that he was watching Star Wars episode 3 with Lindsay Lohan's boobs. Nobody recognized him because he was dressed in a Darth Vader costume and he blended in with all of the other people in Star Wars costumes. After they asked him about his Star Wars review, he said that Hayden Christensen was really great - but that 50 Cent should really have contributed more.
Once the show was over, he got on America Online to find cheap airline tickets. He looked for a price comparison on expedia, travelocity, and orbitz. While he was online he also looked on ebay for an ipod mini, and downloaded some free mp3s from Slipknot, Green Day and My Chemical Romance on Kazaa. Then he met up with his team online to play World of Warcraft. Kenny loves that game, but he preferrs motorsport team racing.
Just as he was about to win a battle using some of his world of warcraft cheats, he heard on the news a breaking story about Michael Jackson - he had been caught in a tsunami and had been put into a constant vegitative state like Terri Schiavo. Not even Britney Spears kissing Madonna could wake him up. But then miraculously he did wake up so he could watch new episodes of Family Guy.
Kenny was so relieved that Michael was OK that he decided to fix some 4th of July Recipes. But then he realized that Memorial Day Weekend comes before the 4th of July, so he had some time. He thought that it would be really fun to plan a dragon party for the 4th of July. He would make home-made decorations with dragons, and put dragon photos on the walls. He could even put some wizards in to prepare for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Price. And speaking of princes, he better invite Prince Charles, because he hadn't made it to the wedding.
But then he had another idea - he could have a party based on Dinotopia! He called his friends with his best cell phone plan and had a vote, but the democratic filibuster caused some problems. He was so upset that he climbed to the top of Mount St. Helens with Vincente Fox and Mena Suvari and they desecrated the Quran by sticking it down Robin Williams' pants right after he was a guest star on Everybody Loves Raymond.
This upset things in Iraq and Afghanistan, and everybody started writing protest music lyrics, and looking up words in an online dictionary to call the USA bad names, but they kept getting distracted by free online games. Luckily Usher was there to save the day, and he used google maps to find the terrorist's WMDs, and with the help of Hilary Duff he was able to destroy all of them, and then they wrote some poems about them and fell in love, and bought some waterfront real estate.
This made the United Nations and the Smelly French people upset because they were hoping that the US would impeach President Bush, and they could elect a new president using the technique from American Idol.
But instead Bush was even more popular, so the republicans went forward with their attack on immorality as they passed the constitutional amendment to stop gay marriage, and the used the nuclear option to end the filibuster. After that they were even more zealous, so they tried to stop illegal free porn online - first going against free hardcore teen pics and going on to celebrity nude photos. One by one the free online sex galleries were being knocked down, until the leader of the anti-porn society stumbled upon some nude Angelina Jolie pics and he fell in love so he changed his ways and then was in favor of free nude xxx pictures online, and then he got a lying lawyer and divorced his wife and got married to Lindsay Lohan's boobs and had an orgy with the Olson Twins. This shook up the government quite a bit, and this started a new Witch Hunt as they went after everyone who did not go with George W. Bush.
This new invasion of privacy frightened Kenny because they were even going against the evils of witchcraft, and they said that Harry Potter is evil. This could hurt his party plans. And then to make matters worse he had to completely cancel his party when the new civil war broke out - it was brother against brother, cousin against cousin, hot female nude lesbian kissing sisters having topless nude mud wrestling wet t-shirt contests. Even kids got drafted, as they traded in their pokemon cards and PSP games in exchange for anime costumes so that they could battle in real life. In order to revive his party plans he enlisted with the pro-porn side, along with Pamela Anderson (or Pam Anderson as he called her) and Seymore Butts, and they fought against such slutty anti-porn people as naked Paris Hilton who used the war to create new sex tapes. Luckily they had Angeline Jolie on their side, and after the other side got one look at her, they all fell madly in love with her and decided that whatever Angeline Jolie says must be right.
Then came a new age in sin - free porn online. Free online poker, blackjack, and casino games. And then everybody lost their money, and even the sexy figures were becoming less attractive: Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan became too thin. And the baseball stars were on steroids, as were the stars of the NFL, and Jennifer Lopez's butt. And then after that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lache broke up - and then it was hysteria. But then God came down in the form of Hurricane Adrain - some didn't believe it was actually God, but the National Hurricane Center proved it - and swept up Jennifer Connely and Jillian Grace as a sacrifice. It was caught on tape, and then the bittorrent of that video got sent around almost as much as the video "Is This The Way to Armadillo?" and everyone settled down and started learning about Freemasonry.
It looked like everyone would live happily ever after, except for Kenny, who was killed in the porn battle, at which point everyone said "Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" and everyone else said "Those Bastards!" in classic South Park fashion. But aside from him, everyone lived happily ever after - especially naked Angelina Jolie and Lindsay Lohan's boobs.
THE END
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