The Car Dealership Skit

By Nathaniel Jones and Josh Conklin

Based on the comedic stylings of the Marx Brothers

J: I’d like to buy a car, please

L: Okay, what kind of car you want?

I don’t know, what do you recommend?

Well, I’d take a blue car, but only if I weren’t gonna drive it.

What if you were going to drive it?

In that case, I’d have to wait for a green car.

All right, I’ll take a red car, please.

Oh, a red car? That’ll cost extra.

How much extra?

$10. But for you I’ll make an exception.

How much for me?

You look like a nice guy, so $20. Plus the cost of paint.

How much is paint?

$50.

Okay, so let’s see. That’s $50 plus 20 plus 10. What’s that come out to?

That’s math. Okay, did you want a sterio with that?

Yeah, for the lady.

Okay, I’ll give you a sterio for the lady. I’ll have to see her first, though.

Hey, wait a minute!

Okay, so the stereo comes out to $200.

That’s a little steep.

Well, if you want it on a hill I’ll give you 10% off.

That sounds fine.

Okay, I fine you $75. Did you want Air conditioning?

Well, I spend my summers in Alaska, so I don’t think I’ll need it.

Well, in that case, I recommend you get two. that’s $60 each, plus the warranty comes out to $75,000

What? How can you charge that much for a warranty?

With interest.

I think you’d better leave that out, then.

Well, taking out air conditioning is a tough job. $500.

I never wanted air conditioning in the first place!

Then you should have stayed in the first place.

This is outrageous! I’m leaving.

That’ll cost extra. Where should we send your car?

I don’t want a car! This place is screwy!

It’s not screwy, it’s a dealership. SO, let’s see, that’ll come out to 1 million dollars.

How much for you to just leave me alone?

You couldn’t afford it.

THE END