Culture Shock 2002
Greetings!
It is I once more, you're friendly neighborhood minstrel Nathaniel Jones.
Well, I begin with a friendly Good day, although it is in fact just after
two in the morning on this very clear and yet very cold December 29 (Or is
it the thirtieth?) of December in the year of our lord 2002, which, of course,
means that it is just a scant few months until I, and the rest of the graduating
class of 2002 shall rise above the humble ranks of high school seniors to
the even humbler ranks of college freshmen (or sophomores or juniors for those
that took running start.) (Or the workforce for those not
continuing in school.) To all the aforementioned people I wish to give
a great big shout out, because that's the sort of thing that I like to do.
Well, I decided just now, since it is nearing the end of the year, I might
as well write what is now becoming an annual event, the CULTURE SHOCK! For
those that do not keep up with my literary events, Culture Shock is a paper
that I right each year giving my own twisted perspective on the previous year,
so that when I am 150 years old and my great great great grandkids ask "Great
great great Grandpa, what was the world like when you were our age?"
I will have a great document so that even though at 150 years old as a senile
old man (who is dirty) (Note: inside joke) I shall be able to recall my exact
feelings as if it were yesterday. Assuming that as I write this I write my
exact feelings that I felt throughout the year. Which I can pretty much guarantee
that I won't do. Because even though I am a spry 18 year old lad, I cannot
recall exact emotions. Which sort of flushes the point of
this down the drain, except for the fact that the REAL reason for writing
this is in the hopes that someday, somewhere, someone will get a little bit
of entertainment from it. SO, without further ado, CULTURE SHOCK 2002,
written in 2001.
Well,
as anyone who takes a history class in the future will no doubt know, 2001
was a very eventful year, quite possibly being the most eventful year (at
least on a political level) in my entire life. What, you ask, was so eventful
this past year? To that question I say this: What,
have you been living in a cave your whole life? What's wrong with you? And
then, after I fall to the floor laughing, I'll stand up, kick you in the pants,
and make a naughty noise with my hand and my armpit until you withdraw your
question. I realize this may seem harsh, but you see I was going to get to
that in just a moment, and you must be made an example of for the other readers.
Now, see what you made me do? I have lost my train of thought, and for that
reason, I will skip the rest of the introduction and go straight to the main
part of the paper.
(BODY
PARAGRAPH ONE) I sort of like to follow the same general order from one year's
Culture Shock to the next so that I am sure not to leave out an important
aspect of the year, which I will probable do anyway. SO if you know of something
that I didn't put in here, then you should assume that I was thinking ahead
and knew that you would already know the information and didn't bother wasting
your time making you read things you already know. With that said, I will
consult last year's culture shock to see what item on the agenda should come
first. Please wait here. I have returned now. Thanks for your patience. I
have learned that it is in fact politics that come first in the Culture Shock,
so I shall begin there again. Ah, but where to begin? I'll start small, so
that in case some of you just ate you won't get an upset stomach. As a crossover
from last year's election special, several independent groups did recounts
in
Note: I couldn't find the file on my computer, so I'll
have to sort of travel back in time as best as I can to retrieve the lost
emotions. Here's what I remember of
(Note to people reading this on the website - since
writing CS2002, I found the paper referred to, and it is on the website called
"Culture Shock, 9-11.")
I
woke up, as usual, somewhere between
I
do not have the time, space, or energy to go into full detail the meaning
of the last statement, so I will summarize. To make a long story short, George
W. Bush and the rest of his Corporation owned possy used the sorrow felt by
Americans to their own advantage. He used our fear, anger, and sorrow to pass
the legislation that would have had no chance to pass a week before Sep. 11.
Some examples: There have been several tax cuts so far, every one of them
favoring the rich (for those Bush supporters that don't believe me, I encourage
you to do some research. MichaelMoore.com is a good site for some alternative
news resources.) The Mighty W. repealed the minimum tax for corporations that
was put in place because corporations in the 1980's were twisting the tax
rules in such a way that they could get away with paying little or no taxes.
Lucky corporations, now they can do it again. And what's more, (Merry Christmas,
Corporations!) the government is paying back all of the taxes paid by corporations
over the past 15 years. On the civil rights front, the USA PATRIOT act passed
almost unanimously even though the house and the senate had not actually fully
READ THE ACT THEY WERE PASSING. This act gives the government the right to
tap any and all phones in the general area of a person suspected of being
involved in a terrorist group, and it doesn't limit the wire tapping only
to the suspect. There are many other such privacy violations, and other violations
of the constitution, however I do not know them because the government is
not telling us anything at all, except for what is blatantly propaganda. Example:
"Anyone who questions the government is helping the terrorists."
(That probably isn't word for word, but it's as close as I can remember it.
I'm pretty sure that was Ashecroft that said that, but I'm not 100% certain.)
There is much much more filth going on behind the backs of Americans right
now, but I don't like to go into too much detail because it makes it difficult
to look at the American flag I have pinned to my lapel. Before I change topics
completely, I'll mention briefly the "war." I say "war"
because we have not officially declared war on anyone. Apparently this is
a war on "terrorism," not one specific country. The trouble with
that is that "terrorism" is not something that can be destroyed.
If we take our fighter jets and completely obliterate every single terrorist
organization in the world, then we ourselves would be a terrorist group. The
only way to completely rid the world of terrorism is to end life as we know
it on Earth. Wow, five pages. And I thought LAST year's was long! Hoo wee!
I better move along to the next topic.
Ah!
I see by checking Culture Shock 2001 that next comes the part you've all been
waiting for: the FUN PART! The part that is the point of the CULTURE shock...
can you guess it? It's culture! That happy slappy time when I get to tell
you what is HOT and what is NOT. That is because I am the guy who has his
PULSE to the FINGER of society. Wait. Scratch that, switch it. Anyway, on
to the Culture!
Well, on the popular gift list this year were
two new video game consoles, each battling for the larger share of gamers
around the world. Yes, that's right! The Nintendo Game Cube and Microsoft's
X Box. Both offer better than ever technology, even better that what I said
last of the Playstation 2. The X Box is Microsoft's first delve into the world
of video game consoles with this black monster, which, like the playstation
2, also doubles as a DVD player. The Game Cube is also noteworthy because
it is Nintendo's first game system which does not use cartridges. It uses
little discs. I, unfortunately, do not know much about either of these systems
however, because my technological expertise lies more in the realm of movies
and music.
Speaking
of movies and music, here's what's up in that world: CD's are still by far
the most popular way to listen to music, although for a time it appeared they
may be going the way of the cassette tape when the MP3's were becoming popular.
In case in the future you don't know this phraseology, an MP3 is a digital
sound file, which can be downloaded from the internet into a small device
that can read MP3's, known as an MP3 player. However, after the demise of
Napster (a free website that people used the download and trade MP3 files
that was shut down after the record industry sued for copyright violation)
it appeared that they would not push CD's off of their pedestal, at least
for a little while.
In
the movie world, DVDs are becoming more popular. Although many people still
have only the standard VCR (a machine that plays VHS tapes), a large number
of people are switching over. DVDs are continuing to get better, also. Of
the last few DVDs I have bought, most of them have been double disk sets,
containing documentaries, director commentaries, cast interviews, making of
features, and all sorts of great things. The average price for a DVD is between
$10 and $20 dollars if you get a good price, or between $15 and $30 if you
go to one of those places that actually charges the suggested retail price
(note: if you pay the suggested retail price, you pay too much!)
Still
speaking movies, there haven't been many good ones this year (or at least
not that I saw.) The computer animated film "Shrek" came out this
year, and that one was quite good. Also notable was the movie "Memento,"
an independent mystery sort of film that actually tells the story in reverse.
For those that are into very wild visual movies and big flashy dance numbers,
I highly recommend seeing "Moulin Rouge," a film by Baz Luhrman,
director of "Romeo+Juliet." What's it about? As is says in the film,
"Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and above all things, Love."
News
on the go: Some states are considering making it a crime to drive while using
a cell phone. What? WHAT? You mean... if I have to make a phone call, I have
to actually Stop The Car? WHAT??? Yes, it's true. This may very well set us
back to the Stone Age. But luckily, there is a hitch: you only get a fine
if you get a ticket for doing something else! So bad news if you get pulled
over for speeding and you're chatting on the phone, because that'll add an
extra $300 to the ticket! Ouch!
Here's
a new category this year because it wasn't an issue last year: Donuts. Specifically,
Krispy Kreme donuts. You see, in Issaquah earlier this year, a Krispy Kreme
donut shop opened. It was the first one in
Well,
at long (and I mean LONG) last, it is time for my Culture Shock to end. Some
final predictions for the future: In the future the rich will become Super
Rich, and the poor will become Super Poor, and they won't mind just as long
as they can keep spending money on the Super Rich. The war on terrorism will
keep going, and even if we get Osama bin Laden, AND Sadam Hussein, AND Adolph
Hitler, and whoever else we want to get Bush will figure out some way to keep
the war going, because it's doing great things for both his popularity, and
the big businesses that he works for. But on a lighter note, I think that
in the future there will be a huge movement, much like in the sixties, when
everyone will love everyone else, and be happy for a few years. At least we
have that to look forward to. Now it's time to say good bye, and hello to
all the future generations. If you're in school now, you should read all of
these Culture Shock papers, and then you can tell you're history teacher all
the stuff you learned, and maybe get some extra credit. Gee, over six pages.
And just think, I don't even get credit for it. Well, I hope you enjoyed it;
I spent a good portion of the time that I should have spent sleeping to write
it. And if you didn't like this one, well, just read the next one, and perhaps
you'll like it better. And if this is me reading this, hey! How am I doing?
Here's a chore for me to do because I think it's a good idea. When you talk
to her, don't try to go for what you want, try to make her feel good, and
make her happy, and when she's happy, you'll be happy. All you other guys
can follow that advice, too. So, that's it from me, Nathaniel Jones, writing
from the present to the future, at which point my present will be the past.
And remember, if in the future you read one of these things and you figure
something out that can save the world from destruction, I encourage you to
do what you can to save the world. Oh man, I can tell I'm really tired now,
it's almost
"All that you do, do out of love."
Much Love,
NATHANIEL JONES
