EXT. EVIL DEAN'S HOUSE - DAY

               It is a bright and sunny summer day in Southern California.
               The air is warm, the sky is blue, and a HOBO on the sidewalk
               is staring intently at the cheerful two story house that
               stands before him. The only thing that separates this hobo
               from the home is a white picket fence.

               The hobo sets his pack on the ground and looks at the gate in
               front of him.

               He leans over and looks at the other side, where a latch
               holds the gate shut. The hobo reaches over and lifts the
               latch, allowing the gate to swing open.

               The hobo walks up to the door, and presses his grubby finger
               against the doorbell. A chime can be heard from inside the
               house.

               After a moment, the curtain covering the window on the door
               parts slightly, and then the door swings open, revealing DEAN
               KANE, a short weasly man in his early forties, wearing a
               sweater vest.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         I'm sorry, I don't give my money to
                         vagrants. Get a job.

                                   HOBO
                         I'm not surprised, Dean.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         Do I know you?

                                   HOBO
                         Maybe this will jog your memory.

               The hobo takes off his jacket, and stretches his arms out at
               his side like a hawk. He begins to hop around in a circle and
               chant:

                                   HOBO
                         Flying high above the crowd! We
                         shout our name really loud! When
                         you're done playing with your Sega,
                         come on down to Theta K Omega!

                                   DEAN KANE
                             (shocked)
                         YOU! Charles Durning, the founder
                         of Theta Kappa Omega.

                                   HOBO
                         Yes.  You tried to shut us down.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         No, I didn't try to shut you down -
                         I DID shut you down! Your
                         fraternity was a disgrace to the
                         university - the drinking, the
                         carousing - and that damned CAT!

                                   HOBO
                         Yes - "that damned cat." She had a
                         name, Dean. Fluffy. She's why I'm
                         here today.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         Look - you don't know what that cat
                         did to me.

                                   HOBO
                         I don't know what she ever could
                         have done to hurt you, but I know
                         who you did to her.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         It was a long time ago.

                                   HOBO
                         You came to the house for a
                         "surprise inspection." Said you
                         were looking for illegal substances
                         - but that wasn't true. You were
                         looking for fluffy.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         I am a busy man.

               The dean tries to shut the door, but the hobo sticks his arm
               in to keep it open. They struggle as they continue dialogue:

                                   HOBO
                         That's why you had the dingily
                         bell. You shook it, and Fluffy came
                         running.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         You knew the rules! No cats on
                         campus!

                                   HOBO
                         Fluffy raced toward the bell, and
                         at the last second, you jerked it
                         away. Fluffy couldn't stop - she
                         ran into the wall. Got a
                         concussion.

                                   DEAN KANE
                             (tearing up)
                         No cats on campus!

                                   HOBO
                         You gave fluffy a concussion, and
                         she never did anything to you!

               The dean lets go of the door, making the hobo stumble back.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         NOTHING? I could have been
                         president of the university if it
                         hadn't been for her.

                                   HOBO
                         What?

                                   DEAN KANE
                         The first time I came to the TKO
                         house, I didn't come as foe - I
                         came as friend. Remember? I even
                         rubbed your cat's tummy. She liked
                         it. But then, later, I went to the
                         presidential gala dinner - I hadn't
                         washed my hands before. Barbra
                         Steinberg, the head of the
                         presidential selection committee
                         was there with her seeing-eye dog.
                         The dog smelled the cat on my
                         hands... and went crazy!

                                   HOBO
                         What happened?

                                   DEAN KANE
                         The dog pulled Barb all around the
                         room at break neck speed, knocking
                         over tables, chairs, and sending
                         the entire banquet flying. It was a
                         disaster; the whole group blamed
                         me, and I was tossed out on my ear -
                         all because of that cat!

                                   HOBO
                         I never knew...

                                   DEAN KANE
                         I was angry. I wanted revenge. So I
                         tricked your cat and shut down your
                         fraternity.

               The dean begins to shut door again, and once again the hobo
               stops him.

                                   HOBO
                         Wait - there's another side to
                         Fluffy's story that you don't know.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         What is it?

                                   HOBO
                         Once Fluffy was out of the
                         hospital, we were walking through
                         the campus, so she could regain her
                         strength, and we saw you. But
                         Fluffy saw more. You see, perched
                         in the tree over your head was a
                         murderous kung-fu space pirate,
                         with a sward pointed right at your
                         head. I didn't notice it, but
                         Fluffy did - and tho I didn't
                         understand it at the time, she
                         turned to me and said "the dean
                         isn't all bad. He had a reason for
                         his cruelty, and I understand it.
                         Now, I must go make amends.
                         Farewell, Charles." And then she
                         ran up the tree and engaged the
                         space pirate in battle. In the
                         struggle, she got horribly wounded,
                         but was still able to defeat the
                         enemy and send his kung-fu space
                         pirate ship back where it came
                         from. She did that for you, Dean.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         What a brave cat! I never imagined!

                                   HOBO
                         Yes - she was remarkable. I just
                         had to drop by to let you know it.

                                   DEAN KANE
                         Thank you... but tell me, where is
                         Fluffy now?

                                   HOBO
                         The cat is dead, Dean.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.